Of gyrating thoughts and Jai Shilpa Mata Di

Some funny things I came across in the past few weeks:

1. "I am already a superwoman in real life. Ask any married woman and she will agree to my answer." Aishwarya Rai Bachchan 'candidly' confesses this in some interview and it becomes public. Hmm. Now I could use my above 150 IQ brain to try and decode the -150 IQ statement by the industry bahu; it is just that I have things like Scary Movie to watch which are genuinely funny and even though they might insult someone, they will never taunt a married woman who could not marry into the Bachchan family. Tsk Tsk, oh how could you even live on the same planet as me, given you are not Aishwarya Rai Bachchan!

2. I saw him doing this in 'Dus Bahane' minutely before he asked Rani to 'Aaja Udiye' and then finally matched Mehmood's tone in 'Bluffmaster'. Now I see 'Desi Girl' and Mr Abhishek Bachchan is repeating the same pelvic thrust he has been doing since he was asked to dance. Now this man has few problems:
a) He wears a beard in a feeble attempt to match his father's thick mop in order to get more leverage out of being Big B's son.
b) In every film, he has to give that "deep eyes, sombre and bursting with intensity" expression by keeping that left eyebrow raised. I think he does that in order to ask the director whether he can go and take a leak.
c) He schlumps in order to hide his abdominal flab which is hideous. This handicap of his was most annoying in Drona where he thinks walking with his shoulders drooping will suck the tummy in and he can easily tell the audience that look, I am a superhero, balle balle.
d) The industry thinks that giving him only one step like his father (who had copied it from the legendary Bhagwan Dada) will take his career to heights.
Hmm.

3. I saw this programme called 'Chak De Bachche' on a channel called 9X. It would appear that the children in this 'talent' hunt are some bloody pop stars. They appear so damn professional that I had to watch this monstrosity that is one among many throughout contemporary Indian television. But you know what happens - apparently the children record their performances, and are then forced to dance (dance baby, dance) to the tunes of the show choreographer and ultiamtely reproduce the combined result for the shoot. Yes, the talented kids lip sync. Now I am a little too unclear as to why are you trying to make Ken & Barbies out of poor children. Some of them really belong to below middle class segment. Why show them dreams that might nosedive someday? Why make superstars out of them today when tomorrow they will be relegated to 'fly in the soup' status? But people watch it, as it is a programme that is, in my neighbour's words, 'a little hat ke'.

4. I overheard this bunch of young girls from India - "Even though they are the two most sexiest people on the planet, somehow I do not get that feeling from them. They do not appear... sexy enough to me, together." This was a remark on Brangelina (I so hate that word). Apparently when I shared this with few of my intelligent souls around, they all agreed without thinking much. And as always, I was not too happy with that. Who says they are the world's sexiest? People? Maxim? Empire? GQ? Grazia? Whatthefuck?
And who further adds that they epitomise "sex appeal" when they will be together? I mean, let Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie be sexy to each other as they are in love. Why speculate something like this? Last I heard, "Gouri Khan can not match upto Shah Rukh. I do not think she has any stuff in her." Ptch!

5. 'Shilpa Shetty is a true woman.'
Now I really do not know how to talk about the most recognisable Indian face in the world as put by our dearly beloved, 'The Bombay Times'. I hate her too not because of her success but the means by which she has achieved those. Do you remember Tulsidas? Now, when his would-be wife questioned him, he always kept quiet; it was this keeping the mouth shut that won him Tillotama. Ignorance was subdued by silence. However, Shilpa's calculative silence has done this - Jade Goody has resorted to the cheapest means possible in order to raise money for her cancer treatment; Jo O'Meara went on suicide watch and Danielle Lloyd was ditched by her boyfriend. Some wrath! I remember the angered News of the World columnist lamenting Shilpa's gain and poor Jade's loss. I sympathise with Goody.
I am just surprised by some people, esp Indians in particular. My ex-girlfriend had to say this - 'I think it is an overblown episode but then Shetty deserved to win all the accolades'. When I bluntly put forward Warhol's statement of everyone being famous in the future, she vehemently opposed by saying Shetty did not need to be famous, she already was a superstar! No points for guessing why our relationship did not work out.
It is not a sad but sick state of affairs where we let people like Shilpa Shetty get away with a lot. And no, no picture of her.